Have you ever wished you could attract women like bad boys do, but without actually having to become a bad boy? I had always struggled to attract women, but the thought being a jerk or manipulating and lying to people just didn’t sit well with me.

So when I suddenly became single a few years ago I was determined to figure out the bad boy secret and see if there was a way to get bad boy results without sacrificing my integrity. Here is what I found, distilled down to three simple keys to change you from a boring, nice guy in to a woman magnet while leaving your morals and ethics intact.

 

I. Be Cool

I don’t mean being cool like the Fonz or James Dean. Be cool toward others by detaching from what they think and feel about you. That means freeing yourself from the need to please others and refusing to be responsible for their happiness.

You can and should still care about the overall wellbeing of others – that’s part of maintaining your integrity – but practice detaching from their moment-to-moment feelings about you. Be clear on the fact you cannot control how someone responds to you, only how you treat them.

So whenever you become concerned about how someone feels about you – and they are not your mother or your boss – let it go by reminding yourself that if you treated them fairly it is not your responsibility how they feel.

The second part of being cool is working on your image. Bad boys actually put great effort into perfecting their look whether it is being a cowboy or a Wall Street banker. So if you don’t have a look that is working for you, spend some time in your local hot spots watching what works in your area. Then pick one you can pull off and make it your own.

 

II. Be Confident

I’m talking about the genuine, comfortable in your own skin confidence, not the “I’m better than you” or the “fake ‘til you make it” kind. Real confidence comes from surviving tough situations and trusting in your resiliency and resourcefulness to handle whatever comes your way. So take a moment and reflect on all the tough situations you have survived and the challenges you could handle.

Being excellent at what you do – career, hobbies, etc. – can be another source of confidence. If all that is not enough, you can go for the Holy Grail of confidence and start practicing a martial art (or Aikido if you are committed pacifist).

Feeling confident is only the first step; you also need to project confidence. Stand tall with your shoulders back, head up and eyes forward. When you sit, relax and take up space. Don’t always shrink to maneuver around people in a public place. Practice holding eye contact with a hint of a smile –without staring them down – when you look at someone.

Next, practice making quick decisions. Nothing projects confidence more than being able to make quick decisions. The trick is trusting that most decisions are relatively unimportant and that your intuition will guide you when it is.

Finally, practice being confident when you speak. Confidence in speaking is mostly about being relaxed and comfortable. The secret is to practice speaking to people all the time, especially strangers.

Talk to everyone around you wherever you go. Say hello to cashiers and ask then how their day is going. Talk to the people in line around you at the coffee stand by asking about something interesting they are wearing or how their day is going.

The goal is to get comfortable striking up conversations everywhere you go so when you are standing next to a pretty girl, you can start a conversation with her just like you would with anyone else.

III. Be Fun

When you go out, focus on having fun, not trying to meet women. Women can tell when a guy is just trying to pick them up and that’s a turn off. If you are just out having a good time, your fun and positive attitude will make women – and men – want to hangout with you.

To enhance your fun attitude, learn and practice a few good jokes so you can tell them well when the opportunity presents itself. Learn to tell funny or interesting stories well in less than a minute as in “You won’t believe what happen to me today…” or “Did you hear, [celebrity] broke up with [celebrity]”.

Keep up with what’s hot on TV and the Web to get your material. Just don’t feel like you have to be a comedian or make fun of your self.

The killer technique though is to (gently) bust on a women when she makes a mistake or does something silly. You can call her a dork or a klutz or anything not too mean. Just do it with a hint of a smile and some cool confidence so she can’t tell if you are really criticizing her or just making a joke.

When done correctly, she will be confused and intrigued by what you meant. Keep her uncertainty going and before you know it she will be hanging out with you. You can even do this when you are dating someone to spice things up.

These keys take practice, but you don’t need to be perfect to up your game. Even minor changes can lead to noticeable results and as you continue to improve, they feed off of each other synergistically leading to even more powerful results.

The best part of practicing this system is that you will enjoy life more and you may even see results in other areas of you life like your friendships and your career. Just remember that as with all power, it can be used for good or evil so maintain your integrity and always practice good dating karma.

As always, please sign in and share your comments and experiences below.

Namaste,
Dr. Scott