As a dating coach, I still run across people that say they desperately want to meet someone, but in the next breath say they could never get online because they would feel like a loser or some other excuse. The only excuse I couldn’t refute was the attorney that worried it would be used against him in court by opposing counsel. For everyone else, here is what I tell my clients.
Ten years ago the perception that online dating was for losers may have been true. However, some recently studies suggest that approximately 35% of married couples met online in some form and about half of which met through online dating websites. That is a lot of losers then, including yours truly.
Many people complain about how awful online dating is and I’m not denying that, but blaming online dating for still being single is like blaming the gym for why you are not in shape. Online dating is a powerful tool, but just a tool to help you find your soul mate.
The power of online dating is that it allows you to sort through large numbers of potential candidates so you can narrow your focus to the small group of people that meet your criteria.
If you think about it, your odds of meeting your soul mate in a bar or a coffee shop are much lower, though not zero. Plus, in the bar and coffee shop, you risk falling for someone that’s a bad fit in terms of education, career, religion, culture, politics and so much more.
If online dating is so great, how did people get married before? Well, people generally met one of four ways: at church, through work or school, at the local bar or social event or through friends and family.
Now you are probably starting to realize why online dating is so popular. Who goes to church any more? Well, I tried that when I was single. I made some great single friends and it fed my soul, but I quickly realized that most single groups at churches have unwritten rules against dating within the group.
Namely, that the single group exists for mutual support and companionship and not to pair off. I’m not say people never coupled off, but it was frowned upon and created awkwardness in the group.
Similarly, dating at work has become challenging if not an out right no-no. While most married couple did meet through work, it can be risky these days and cause one or both of you to have to change jobs or even lose your jobs.
Even if that doesn’t happen, you can be in the extremely awkward situation of having to work with you ex. Plus, if there is power differential, you risk getting entangled with sexual harassment allegations. Trust me, a sexual harassment allegation is the last thing your career needs.
My advice about dating at work is to avoid it. Instead, make friends with you co-workers and maybe you will meet someone through them. If however, you are sure you’ve met your soul mate and you both can’t bear to be apart, at least keep it a secret as long as possible.
Also, one of you needs to work on finding a different job. New couples and newly weds are still awkward for everyone else at work. Plus, you don’t want your productivity to suffer just because you are making googly eyes at each other.
School is still a good place to meet your soul mate, but if you are over 30 as a guy or 25 as a woman and aren’t in school; you need be online to maximize your chances for finding love.
Heck, if you are still in school and over 30/25, it’s a good idea to be online. I say this because by 30/25, your social networks have stabilized around the same people with little change over and the bar scene is probably getting a bit dull and boring. Plus, you are probably looking for more than someone that just looks hot and can drink a lot.
Bottom line, if you are over 30/25 and your not online, you’re not really serious about finding love. However, please don’t do this on a whim or as a New Year’s resolution. You need to be prepared with the knowledge and skills and have a plan of attack first, just like joining a gym to get in shape.
How many people join a gym in January and then haven’t gone back since April 1st? While online dating can work quickly – my wife was only online for 2 weeks before we met – it can take some time to find the right one. I was online for 18 months and went on dozens of first dates before I met her.
So check out my other dating articles to prepare your self for success. Guys should read my article on creating bad boy attraction without having to actually become a bad boy. Women need to read my dating self-defense article to learn how to protect themselves from the three most dangerous types of men.
Most people need to read my article on saying no since so many people struggle with this and the necessity occurs so frequently in dating. More spiritually inclined people should check out my articles on energetically manifesting your true love with sand painting, a fire ceremony and a despacho.
You can also ask me a question in the comment section and I’ll either respond in email or with a new blog article. Enjoy and always practice good dating karma.